if i was x30 more kawaii this would be me (i’m so sorry i have a dollmaker type thing weakness)
i cannot resist dollmakers
Obviously the cat is Oscar and not Bells
… This may be the most accurate of these that I’ve done so far. Look how awkward.
How To Be A Sexy Lesbian On The Internet, v.2.Random Dude’s Very Important Opinion
Once, many years ago, I was talking to a dude on the Internet who expressed disappointment in my profile picture.
“I don’t get why you dress that way,” said Dude. I had never met this gentleman before and had not asked him for his opinion regarding my wardrobe, so as you can imagine, I was eager to hear what he had to say. ”You’re a lesbian.* Doesn’t your girlfriend want you to wear, like, sexy underwear and stuff? You know, so you look hot? Like a sexy lesbian?”
I don’t remember what I said at the time. I do know what my response would be now, and that is, “Bro, you don’t even know.”
What I am wearing here is a sexy lounging bathrobe so I don’t get cold while I complete sexy lesbian tasks, such as feeding the cats or trying to compose clever Facebook statuses. This is, in fact, a traditional sexy lesbian costume, complete with a little black hat that conceals bedhead while also making me look like a dick. (Note the sexy layered cardigan and sexy striped tee, sexy lesbian staple pieces!)
Just a sexy lesbian, sittin’ in a squashy chair, chillin’ after a long day of being a sexy lesbian at the office. Am I wearing a bra here? Do I own a bra? Have I ever even SEEN a bra? You can’t even tell, all the sexy’s getting in the way.
You know I am getting all the ladies in this fly robe. All of them.
Also part of the sexy lesbian costume: comfy jeans that haven’t been washed in, like, a week? Maybe. Maybe more than that, it is hard to keep track of mundane things like laundry when you are busy being a sexy lesbian. (It is not, however, hard to find time to go to stores meant for preteens and buy multiple pairs of colourful ankle socks. God bless you, Ardene’s.)
But of course, no sexy lesbian is ever seen in public without the all-important sexy lesbian “come hither” look.
And now I have to go be a sexy lesbian with my girlfriend. We are probably gonna watch Bob’s Burgers or something. SO HOT.
* NB: I am, technically speaking, a genderqueer femmeish-presenting FAAB person exclusively attracted to women** but you know what? It is hard enough to make Dudes On The Internet understand that lesbians are not women who fuck them and their girlfriends. There are some things I ain’t willing to take the time to explain.
** And Ezra Miller.***
*** But I still wouldn’t do him.****