I just signed up for Style Up for reasons that probably have more to do with how tired I am than any real desire to dress appropriately. Things I have learned:
1) I like horizontal strip[es more than anything else in the world;
2) this website doesn’t really seem to get what I mean when I say “curvy”*; and
3) I really need to go and get ready for a job interview, why am I doing this.
* What I mean, for the record, is that I am 35% tit, 15% thigh, and 60% ass.**
** That’s 110%. And 110% ACCURATE.
Tomorrow I am moving back to Halifax.
(sidenote: followers who live there, LET’S BE FRONDS)
my girlfriend is asleep and i don’t wanna clean my room: a meme
if i was x30 more kawaii this would be me (i’m so sorry i have a dollmaker type thing weakness)
i cannot resist dollmakers
Obviously the cat is Oscar and not Bells
… This may be the most accurate of these that I’ve done so far. Look how awkward.
Today is my fifth antiversary.
This one time I loved this girl and I thought I was going to marry her.
I realized the other day that basically all the religious and spiritual opinions I personally hold boil down to two things.
1. If there is a God, or multiple gods, or a universal source, or an oversoul, or any kind of divinity at all, he/she/they/it is most likely wants you to be kind to people. If there isn’t, being kind to people is still a really good idea.
2. Whether or not there is an afterlife shouldn’t make a difference in the way you live your life, because either way, you won’t know ‘til you’re dead.
I have been (informally) accepted to grad school.
i have the dumb
- Amy: *plays Myra's "Miracles Happen," a song from The Princess Diaries soundtrack*
- Elliott: Did she ever have another song?
- Amy: No. Neither did the girl who sang the Supergirl song with the piano. Maybe she was too busy fighting Aquaman and Jimmy Olsen for that pitcher of water in the desert.
- Elliott: Oh, man, was it a PIC...
- Amy: ... WERE YOU ABOUT TO ASK IF SUPERMAN WAS HOLDING A *PICTURE* OF WATER?
- Elliott: YES. I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT THAT IS A REALLY PROFOUND SURREALIST STATEMENT FOR SUPERMAN.
going back on meds is magical, or, here is a list of questions i have asked myself over the last few weeks
- are my teeth falling out?
- if i leave my window open will a monster come in?
- what if i fall on the ice and break my hip?
- does my mom hate me?
- do my cats hate me?
- does everyone at my job hate me?
- if i duck my head under the water in the bath will someone appear out of thin air and drown me?*
- does this pain in my leg mean i am having a fatal heart attack?
- am i about to be abducted by aliens?
- is a meth addict currently breaking into my house?
- what if i can’t pay any bills this month?
- FUCK IS THAT NOISE
Oh, paranoia, you are my favourite side effect.
* yes, this is an actual serious thought i had
How To Be A Sexy Lesbian On The Internet, v.2.Random Dude’s Very Important Opinion
Once, many years ago, I was talking to a dude on the Internet who expressed disappointment in my profile picture.
“I don’t get why you dress that way,” said Dude. I had never met this gentleman before and had not asked him for his opinion regarding my wardrobe, so as you can imagine, I was eager to hear what he had to say. ”You’re a lesbian.* Doesn’t your girlfriend want you to wear, like, sexy underwear and stuff? You know, so you look hot? Like a sexy lesbian?”
I don’t remember what I said at the time. I do know what my response would be now, and that is, “Bro, you don’t even know.”
What I am wearing here is a sexy lounging bathrobe so I don’t get cold while I complete sexy lesbian tasks, such as feeding the cats or trying to compose clever Facebook statuses. This is, in fact, a traditional sexy lesbian costume, complete with a little black hat that conceals bedhead while also making me look like a dick. (Note the sexy layered cardigan and sexy striped tee, sexy lesbian staple pieces!)
Just a sexy lesbian, sittin’ in a squashy chair, chillin’ after a long day of being a sexy lesbian at the office. Am I wearing a bra here? Do I own a bra? Have I ever even SEEN a bra? You can’t even tell, all the sexy’s getting in the way.
You know I am getting all the ladies in this fly robe. All of them.
Also part of the sexy lesbian costume: comfy jeans that haven’t been washed in, like, a week? Maybe. Maybe more than that, it is hard to keep track of mundane things like laundry when you are busy being a sexy lesbian. (It is not, however, hard to find time to go to stores meant for preteens and buy multiple pairs of colourful ankle socks. God bless you, Ardene’s.)
But of course, no sexy lesbian is ever seen in public without the all-important sexy lesbian “come hither” look.
And now I have to go be a sexy lesbian with my girlfriend. We are probably gonna watch Bob’s Burgers or something. SO HOT.
* NB: I am, technically speaking, a genderqueer femmeish-presenting FAAB person exclusively attracted to women** but you know what? It is hard enough to make Dudes On The Internet understand that lesbians are not women who fuck them and their girlfriends. There are some things I ain’t willing to take the time to explain.
** And Ezra Miller.***
*** But I still wouldn’t do him.****
As of today I am on antidepressants for the first time in.. nearly two years, wow, damn.* 150mg of Wellbutrin a day,** with a possible increase in two months.
* Long story short: Sometimes when you are on crazymeds you start to feel better and think, “Dang, I’m not crazy after all! Guess I don’t need these pills anymore!” Because crazy logic is a special, precious thing.
** Half of my old dosage, but hey, maybe this way I won’t get jaundice!