Tuesday, April 23, 2013

a short conversation with my girlfriend yesterday, after i came home from work and found her still asleep

  • Me: Bunny?* Why are you still here? I thought you were going to meet me on the bus!
  • Amy: ... did I not?
  • Me: No, hon, you did not. You're in bed.
  • Amy: Oh.
  • Me: Yeah.
  • Amy: Are you sure?
  • .
  • * Yeah, I call her bunny. And bun. And sometimes bunnybee. I am a revolting person.
Monday, March 11, 2013

i have the dumb

  • Amy: *plays Myra's "Miracles Happen," a song from The Princess Diaries soundtrack*
  • Elliott: Did she ever have another song?
  • Amy: No. Neither did the girl who sang the Supergirl song with the piano. Maybe she was too busy fighting Aquaman and Jimmy Olsen for that pitcher of water in the desert.
  • Elliott: Oh, man, was it a PIC...
  • Amy: ... WERE YOU ABOUT TO ASK IF SUPERMAN WAS HOLDING A *PICTURE* OF WATER?
  • Elliott: YES. I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT THAT IS A REALLY PROFOUND SURREALIST STATEMENT FOR SUPERMAN.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013

while hatewatching satc2

  • Me: I wonder if Jay-Z is ashamed that one of his songs is in this film.
  • Amy: I doubt it, he probably loves Sex and the City.
  • *pause*
  • Amy: He's a total Miranda.
Monday, January 14, 2013

sexy lesbians doing things

  • Me: Hug me tight, hug me tight- hey, no, don't unhook my bra!
  • Amy: YOU'RE SO BOSSY. "Do this, do that, don't unhook my bra."
Sunday, December 9, 2012

adventures in homogay

Me: Wha- What’s going on? Why are you licking my face?

Amy: BECAUSE I CAN.

Later

Amy: Who is that person?  Is she a lesbian? 

Me: It’s Tumblr, everyone’s a lesbian.

Amy: No!  I’m not a lesbian!

Me: Are you on Tumblr?

Amy: … Yes.

Me: There you go, then.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I am watching The Real L Word with Amy and Kiyomi just said something about “throwing in the bachelor towel.”

Amy: “But… what’s a bachelor towel?”

Me: “You know, it’s the towel you only use when you’re single.  You have to throw it out when you start dating someone so you won’t rub the stank back onto yourself.”

Amy: “REALLY???”

Good Parenting: Exhibit 1 (overheard at work today)

  • 6-year old: Mommy, why is that man dressed like a lady?
  • Mother: That is a lady. She was just born with the wrong body.
  • 6-year old: How did that happen?
  • Mother: Nobody really knows. But she's working to fix it, and that's what's important.
  • 6-year old: Okay! *runs up to obviously self-conscious woman*
  • 6-year old: Hey! Miss!
  • Lady: ...yes?
  • 6-year old: You look really pretty in your skirt!
  • Lady: Thank you!
  • *Kid skips back to her mom, and literally everyone in the vicinity smiles*
Sunday, July 1, 2012

while watching a clip from beauty and the beast

Amy: When you were a kid, did you ever get turned on by the part in “Gaston”  when he puts the belt around his neck?

Elliott: lolololololol

Amy: …

Elliott: … no.  No I did not.

Amy: Oh.

*silence*

Elliott: … did you?

Amy: SHUT UP.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

amy, talking about an old teacher who called her a commie

Amy: Like, he meant it!  And he meant that communism was stupid.  And I was like, communism’s not stupid.  YOU’RE stupid.

Elliott: That’s a very good argument.

Amy: If you don’t like communism you’re PROBABLY gay.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Amy just told me I look like emo Snow White.

"I took a bite out of a Jawbeaker EP and got so sad I fell asleep forever."

Sunday, August 7, 2011

while discussing ann m. martin

"By ‘interesting’ do you mean ‘gay’?"

"… yes."

"Yeah, that’s usually what I mean too."

Sunday, July 10, 2011
atompunk:

sanscouronne:

Dad?

from the The Executive Coloring Book from the 1960’s.

Amy: “In many ways I am like an executive, because I go to work drunk!”

atompunk:

sanscouronne:

Dad?

from the The Executive Coloring Book from the 1960’s.

Amy: “In many ways I am like an executive, because I go to work drunk!”

Amy, explaining phone policies after returning from a Virgin Mobile conference: “I think Virgin is like the hot chick at the bar, and all the other phone companies are like the clingy girlfriend who tells you she’s pregnant so you won’t leave her.”

Sunday, July 3, 2011

while looking at the american apparel website

Amy: “Well, I mean, what’s the point of not freeboobing it?”

Elliott: “A question for the ages.”

Monday, June 20, 2011

andihavearedkite:

eclipse DVD commentary. rob’s in LA, kristen’s in toronto. 

rob: it’s like the most depressing story in the world. you got this little guy coming around with his shirt off all the time, it’s like it’s so close to reality. there’s always some punk who wants to get up in your business all the time. and then-

kristen: what are you talking about?

rob: what are you talking about?

kristen: how does this relate to your reality?

rob: see and girls can never understand it, literally you can only talk to guys about it cause girls never get it, cause girls are like “why!? i should be able to do whatever i want!” (laughs) and the guys like, “well i’m in love with you, you’re supposed to respect that.” it’s like, you can’t just keep going off with the naked guy all the time. if i started hanging out with girls with their boobs out all the time, you just would not like it. 

(long pause)

rob: *boobs*

kristen: (laughing) are you drunk right now, seriously? 

rob: i’m just so tired. 

kristen: you have like a pack of heineken next to you, i know it.

rob: no i’m not. i don’t have to drive.

kristen: i don’t know if that’s such a good idea.

rob: i’m not drinking! i swear to god. i’m just sitting in a room by myself, it’s so easy to go nuts.

Little naked guys = very relevant to RPattz’s interests.

(Source: goeller-coaster)