a short conversation with my girlfriend yesterday, after i came home from work and found her still asleep
- Me: Bunny?* Why are you still here? I thought you were going to meet me on the bus!
- Amy: ... did I not?
- Me: No, hon, you did not. You're in bed.
- Amy: Oh.
- Me: Yeah.
- Amy: Are you sure?
- * Yeah, I call her bunny. And bun. And sometimes bunnybee. I am a revolting person.
i have the dumb
- Amy: *plays Myra's "Miracles Happen," a song from The Princess Diaries soundtrack*
- Elliott: Did she ever have another song?
- Amy: No. Neither did the girl who sang the Supergirl song with the piano. Maybe she was too busy fighting Aquaman and Jimmy Olsen for that pitcher of water in the desert.
- Elliott: Oh, man, was it a PIC...
- Amy: ... WERE YOU ABOUT TO ASK IF SUPERMAN WAS HOLDING A *PICTURE* OF WATER?
- Elliott: YES. I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT THAT IS A REALLY PROFOUND SURREALIST STATEMENT FOR SUPERMAN.
while hatewatching satc2
- Me: I wonder if Jay-Z is ashamed that one of his songs is in this film.
- Amy: I doubt it, he probably loves Sex and the City.
- Amy: He's a total Miranda.
sexy lesbians doing things
- Me: Hug me tight, hug me tight- hey, no, don't unhook my bra!
- Amy: YOU'RE SO BOSSY. "Do this, do that, don't unhook my bra."
adventures in homogay
Me: Wha- What’s going on? Why are you licking my face?
Amy: BECAUSE I CAN.
Amy: Who is that person? Is she a lesbian?
Me: It’s Tumblr, everyone’s a lesbian.
Amy: No! I’m not a lesbian!
Me: Are you on Tumblr?
Amy: … Yes.
Me: There you go, then.
I am watching The Real L Word with Amy and Kiyomi just said something about “throwing in the bachelor towel.”
Amy: “But… what’s a bachelor towel?”
Me: “You know, it’s the towel you only use when you’re single. You have to throw it out when you start dating someone so you won’t rub the stank back onto yourself.”
Good Parenting: Exhibit 1 (overheard at work today)
- 6-year old: Mommy, why is that man dressed like a lady?
- Mother: That is a lady. She was just born with the wrong body.
- 6-year old: How did that happen?
- Mother: Nobody really knows. But she's working to fix it, and that's what's important.
- 6-year old: Okay! *runs up to obviously self-conscious woman*
- 6-year old: Hey! Miss!
- Lady: ...yes?
- 6-year old: You look really pretty in your skirt!
- Lady: Thank you!
- *Kid skips back to her mom, and literally everyone in the vicinity smiles*
while watching a clip from beauty and the beast
Amy: When you were a kid, did you ever get turned on by the part in “Gaston” when he puts the belt around his neck?
Elliott: … no. No I did not.
Elliott: … did you?
Amy: SHUT UP.
amy, talking about an old teacher who called her a commie
Amy: Like, he meant it! And he meant that communism was stupid. And I was like, communism’s not stupid. YOU’RE stupid.
Elliott: That’s a very good argument.
Amy: If you don’t like communism you’re PROBABLY gay.
Amy just told me I look like emo Snow White.
“I took a bite out of a Jawbeaker EP and got so sad I fell asleep forever.”
while discussing ann m. martin
“By ‘interesting’ do you mean ‘gay’?”
“Yeah, that’s usually what I mean too.”
Amy, explaining phone policies after returning from a Virgin Mobile conference: “I think Virgin is like the hot chick at the bar, and all the other phone companies are like the clingy girlfriend who tells you she’s pregnant so you won’t leave her.”
while looking at the american apparel website
Amy: “Well, I mean, what’s the point of not freeboobing it?”
Elliott: “A question for the ages.”